the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
