I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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