Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
