i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
