quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
