Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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