I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
