So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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