I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
