my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
