We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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