Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
