I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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