my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
