My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
