I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
