Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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