Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
