Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
