I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
