i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
