I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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