Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
