i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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