I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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