well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
MIDGETS
????
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
