She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
