I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i think i just lost a toe