Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.