hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.