just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories