All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
