Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.