i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.