My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker