He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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