Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
