So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
