my mouth tastes like poor choices
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
