well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
