Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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