that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
