I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
