Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
