Pants 0. Shit 1.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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