Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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