if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
