I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
