Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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