we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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