his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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