I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
