if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
