Need sex. Gaining weight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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