He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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