I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
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Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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