The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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