if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
