I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize