dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize