thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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