I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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