its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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